Stove Vents, Who Needs ‘Em?

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A reader thought I’d judge her for her fried potatoes the other day and I couldn’t figure out why. I LOVE fried potatoes. Apparently my love for all things fried doesn’t shine through because I rarely make fried foods. This is truth and there are several reasons for that, one of which is THE STORY OF THE DAY.

1. I tend to go for the easiest least maintenance meals these days – standing over the stove has been a luxury for me lately.
2. We did cut back on fried food to try to be healthier but everything in moderation. I’d still eat fried food a couple times a week.
3. The biggest reason that I wasn’t even conscious of until THE STORY OF THE DAY is that we adapted our cooking when we moved here because WE HAVE NO STOVE VENT. Seriously, I didn’t know people DIDN’T have stove vents. It wasn’t even wired for one when they renovated this kitchen.

The scene is set

This morning someone came over to help Dave split wood. We invited him for breakfast beforehand and the menu was set – scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, and fried potatoes. A nice hearty breakfast.

Potatoes, onions, and garlic are chopped and minced. Spices are sitting by the stove – ground red pepper, crushed red pepper flakes, parsley, paprika.

Cast iron…bacon fat…stove on medium.

Smoke….smoke detector…security system not active but wired to the smoke detector.

More smoke…beeping alarms screaming…little voice in the security system yelling “FIRE! LIVING ROOM!”

The only other time this happened getting rid of the smoke from around the detector shut it all off, but not today. That would be too easy. The system kept screaming at us and it popped up a keypad with “input code to reset.” WE DON’T HAVE A CODE!! The previous homeowners somehow FORGOT that part still mattered. They also forgot the system was wired to the detector in the disclosures but that’s not the only thing that wasn’t disclosed…nor the biggest, so I’m not shocked.

Cast iron pans set outside the door.

Security system removed from the wall and Dave trying to figure out how to remove the battery as I tell him he needs to find it on the breaker box while I figure out the battery because both sources need cut to have any luck shutting it off.

Breaker box not labelled…I finally just yank the cable on the battery since it won’t pop off…screaming system in my face…I yell to just shut off electricity to the whole house…PEACE. Glorious silence. At the flip of a main breaker. Side note: I know that isn’t the ideal way to shut down the house. Protocol is being set for that now.

Commence frying potatoes, which burn because the glass top stinks with cast iron and is difficult to control temps at the flick of a button…more smoke.

Kids coughing. Fans blasting air out of the house from 2 directions. Smoke dissipates but not enough. Guest walks in and starts coughing.

This. This is why I don’t fry food. I hate my glass top stove and for real, who doesn’t put a stove vent in?!

May the rest of our day be peaceful and calm and may YOUR day be more blessed than this.

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